Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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