Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
