Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We got so high we made milksteak
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
