I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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