Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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