I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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