I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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