I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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