People in love make me want to vomit
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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