The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
