I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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