Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
