I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
