hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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