I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
