just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
