Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
