I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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