Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I love you. Go after that dick
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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