I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
