I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
