I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
