Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
