hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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