my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
