Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
