ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
