she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I faked an abortion last night.
i was born a porn star she said
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
