She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
