high people should be assigned attendants
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
