playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
