Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
