Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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