Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
