i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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