I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize