you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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