yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
