she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
