Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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