Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
and she was petting her beer can
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
