My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
