I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
