went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
