hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
