Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
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And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
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you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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