My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
