capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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