p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
