So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
