You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
