Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
