for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
