Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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