you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
