I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
