it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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