Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.

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(806): View more from Texas

You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.

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(530): View more from California

Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield

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