I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
