Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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