SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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