i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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